Everybody's A Critic
by AJrax The Author
Summary: Perfection can mean two different things to two different people. Captain Ginyu and the rest of the Ginyu Force had to learn that the hard way when they invited Death The Kid to share his own wisdom of "perfection"... needless to say, it was a bit of a mistake on both parts. (One-Shot/CrackFic)


DRAGONBALL Z + SOUL EATER:

EVERYBODY'S A CRITIC

Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit, fan-based fanfiction. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by Funimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Soul Eater is owned by Funimation, Studio Bones, Fuji TV, and Atsushi Okubo. Please support both official releases.

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The Ginyu Force. They're mercenaries, trained to be ruthless and uncaring for whatever they have to fight or kill. They have conquered many planets under the whim of Lord Frieza and have more than enough proven that they are strong fighters and a challenge to anyone who chooses to tangle with them. They are also no strangers to discovering very intricate and sometimes abnormal phenomenon, being been to many different planets and encountering a plethora of life-forms. Plus, they are known to be extremely flamboyant, even going as far to create signature calls and poses for themselves.

However, one day, the Ginyu Force found themselves in a situation they have never been on before, as a certain someone expressed his opinion for their poses in a way that was even more ridiculous than the poses themselves, as well as the fighters performing them...

It was a normal day for the Force. Located at Frieza Planet 316, and dwelling in the building built for them to train in. Captain Ginyu let the door of the main chamber open for him with a swift swish, walking in with hands folded behind his back, and looking very smug for some reason. He strode to the center of the room, where his back faced the only window in the room, where the blackness of space beyond the planet could be seen. Keeping his smug look, Ginyu inhaled some breath:

"GINYU FORCE! ATTEEEEEENTION!"

Immediately following, blurs of color teleported themselves in front of Ginyu. The blurs all assembled as four elite soldiers standing in perfect unison, bearing the same stance as their leader, and wearing just as smug expressions. There was Recoome, the hulking red-haired humanoid with an eccentric yet childish personality; Burter, the Blue Hurricane, a snake-like alien who claimed to be the fastest being in the universe; Jeice, the Red Magma, a short red-skinned alien with a rough and tumble way of thinking; and Guldo, the shortest member of the Force, with green skin, four eyes, and a really, really bad smell.

"All right then," began Ginyu, "Time for a roll call."

"Yessir!" Each Force member said.

"Master Ginyu Fighter Recoome, reporting!" cried Recoome.

"Master Ginyu Fighter Burter, reporting!" shouted Burter.

"Master Ginyu Fighter Jeice, reportin'!" drawled Jeice.

"Master Ginyu Fighter Guldo, reporting!" squeaked Guldo.

"Swell, gentleman," grinned Ginyu. "Now, I'm sure you are all wondering why I decided to assemble the Force on a whim and so late into the afternoon."

"Why is that exactly, Cap'n?" asked Jeice, the right hand man to Ginyu.

"Well, team, today is an important day," all the Ginyus raised their collective eyebrows, "I have decided that we need an evaluation."

"An evaluation? For what?" asked a puzzled Recoome.

"An evaluation of our posing technique. All of us," Ginyu replied with an uncanny seriousness.

The Ginyus gasped. "But Cap'n, are you sayin' our posing is flawed?" asked a shaky Jeice.

"Our technique is always flawless! Why do we need to be evaluated?" asked a shakier Burter, always one to echo his best friend, Jeice.

"Now, now, settle down," Ginyu said with a waving of hands in order to calm his subordinates. "I'm not at all saying that there is anything wrong with our form. I for one think that we're flawless at all times, just like we are at serving Lord Frieza," Ginyu had a gleam in his eye for a second,"However, this is just my opinion. You see, I've been digging around the space-scape, and I have found a person who can be of great service to us."

"And who would that be, Captain?" asked Guldo, already growing pessimistic.

"He is a man known to be very serious about perfection and form. I figured he could swing by and take a look at our own form, just so that we can be sure that our technique is the best it can be. Who knows, maybe it's greater than what _we_ think!" Ginyu chortled.

"Where exactly did you find this person, Captain?" asked Recoome.

"Where else? Space Skype."

"Space Skype? The 'ells that?" Jeice bluntly asked.

"Oh never mind that, it's not important," said Ginyu, leaving his team scratching their heads on the terms their captain used, as if they hadn't been used anywhere in the universe until now...

"Now this man should be arriving any minute, so I expect everyone to be ready to go."

"Yessir!" Each Ginyu snapped out of their confusion and saluted.

With that, Ginyu walked to the center of the line created by his soldiers and stood in the middle, eagerly awaiting the mysterious man that would judge their very way of life. Ginyu was hiding excitement, as he had gathered enough information on their guest to the point where he assumed him to be a master of perfection. Even the other Ginyus now felt a somewhat excitement for this newcomer, though still hiding a little resentment in the back of their collective minds.

Only a few minutes later and the guest made himself known; he appeared in the same door that Ginyu used to enter the room, though instead of walking, he was riding on a hovering skateboard embroidered with skull patterns. This man was not really a man at all: he was a boy who looked to be between the ages of thirteen and fifteen, sporting a black suit and adorned with black hair that hung on his forehead, as well as having three white stripes dyed evenly on the left side of his hair.

He had his back turned to the Force, but after his skateboard cut off their tiny jets and allowed him to touch ground, he flipped the board up and faced the Ginyus, showing a very serious yet somewhat blank expression.

"Hello. You guys must be the Ginyu Force," said the boy. "My name is Death The Kid."

"Ah, yes. Greetings, Death The Kid. My name is Ginyu, leader of the Ginyu Force. I'm the one who contacted you," said Ginyu, walking towards the dark youth with his smug look back on.

"I see. And the rest must be your soldiers, am I correct?" asked Kid, tilting his head to the right to view the hulking and not so hulking aliens behind the purple humanoid.

"That's right, Kid! We're the Ginyu Force! The best damned force in all the galaxies!" said Jeice, deciding to sell himself off as superior to Kid.

"There's no one more perfect in technique than us, that I guarantee!" quipped Burter, following Jeice's lead.

"As you can see, my team is very enthusiastic at their work, heh," beamed Ginyu, catching Kid's attention once more.

"Enthusiasm is one thing, but I'm more concerned with their actual work," said Kid, folding their arms. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to see your form, now."

"Of course!" replied Ginyu, leaping backwards to place himself with the Force. "All right, guys line up!"

The Ginyus followed their orders and arranged themselves with Ginyu going from the biggest guy to the littlest guy. Burter, then Recoome, then Ginyu, then Jeice, then of course, Guldo.

Death The Kid's eyes widened at the first instance of stance that the Force took. Using his unique way of checking form, he analyzed the left then right sides of the posing.

_Left...right...left...right..._

Kid grinned. _So far, so good. They seem to be perfectly aligned, and from biggest to smallest, even._ "Alright. What else can you show me?"

"How about this? Ginyus, roll call, once more, and with passion! And two at a time!" yelled Ginyu.

"Yessir!" yelled each member back.

Recoome and Burter dashed forward, calling out their names and forming the poses they both shared as one of their signatures, mirroring one another in stance, but not of course, in looks.

Death The Kid took to analyzing once more. _Okay... same stretches, same positions... I'll cut them some slack for not looking exactly the same..._ "Next!" Kid put a hand to his chin, now becoming increasingly intrigued.

"You got it!" chirped Ginyu. "Jeice, Guldo, you're next!"

"Yes, Captain!" cried Guldo.

"Oi, Cap'n!" cried Jeice.

Recoome and Burter dashed back to their captain's side, as Jeice and Guldo moved to their spots. On bent knee, the short-stacks performed their own shared signatures, challenging Death The Kid with their eyes, and of course, shouting their names.

_Left...right...exactly the same! It's glorious! I've never seen such dedication! _Death The Kid had his jaw hung in happiness. "Brilliant! What's next?!"

"That'd be me!" yelled Ginyu, as Jeice and Guldo jumped back to their fellow soldiers, giving Ginyu the spotlight.

The purple Body-Switcher immediately turned himself around as he landed in front of Kid and bent down so that he was in his own unique pose, his head peaking out in the visible space between his legs and he smirked over to Kid and shouted his own name.

Death The Kid almost fell head over heels as he was blown away by Ginyu. His left-right check didn't show one single flaw. Amazing! Even with his kind of intricate movement, it's all perfect! All symmetrical! He was crying anime tears as he continued to marvel at Ginyu's suggestive yet impressive pose. "This is absolutely great! Oh, my, you are impeccable in every way!" cried Kid, clapping his pale hands together furiously.

"And that's not all!" added Ginyu, still posing as he did. "Ginyu Force, last pose! Assemble!"

"Yessir!"

Death The Kid, saw all the Ginyus jump up before him, then disappear. They reappeared in several places of the room, dashing to the center of the room with break-neck pace. Kid sent his head whirling as he struggled to have every single Ginyu in his sights.

"WE ARE...THE GINYU FORCE!"

The final pose. They all slid into position, each forming their own piece to the puzzle. It was their greatest pose of them all. Each member stuck their moves better than any other pose they had done that day nor in the history of their team's posing. They all grinned like children waiting to get a present, Ginyu's grin the biggest, as Death The Kid stood completely blown away.

Although, really, Kid, wasn't blown away.

To the Force, he looked like the magnitude of awesomeness they emitted was so great, that Kid had no qualms other than to stare at them with the blankest and face-vaulting expression ever... but...

Death The Kid felt his temple throb. His eye twitched. He stood and let the image of the Ginyus' pose settle in his mind.

"Uh...hey, Captain, you think there's something wrong with this guy?" asked Recoome, still posing yet still willing to inquire about the ominous feeling that Kid was giving off then.

"Quiet, Recoome. Let the man bathe in our perfection for just a little longer," ordered Ginyu, his eyes closed and therefore not sharing the same concern as Recoome and now the others were feeling for the now upset looking Kid. He could be growing a third eye for all he cared; he was too proud to even think that Kid was doing anything but silently praising him and his team.

But there was something entirely different going on inside the head of the perfection-hungry Death The Kid...

_Left... right... left... right... left! Right! It-It-It's not...not-!_

Kid was on the verge of having a heart attack. All the poses he had seen up til now had the members of the Ginyu Force perfectly aligned. But now... they were all over the place, arms going one way, legs going another. Some weren't even facing the same way or the same direction!

_This...this is..._

"Uh, uh, Captain?" Burter stuttered.

"Burter, shut it!" said Ginyu. He had no qualms whatsoever.

"But, but, Cap'n-", tried Jeice.

"Not you too, Jeice!"

Recoome and Guldo just decided to gulp, thinking their fate was already sealed.

Death The Kid was visibly steaming now. Each Ginyu felt the wave of anger radiating off Kid in a great abundance; if they all weren't stuck in their current positions, they'd be quivering in their boots and close to turning the lower parts of their armor yellow. Nevertheless, they all stayed with scared expressions as they felt all of HFIL breaking loose at any moment...

_This... This is..._

Kid clenched his fists. His eyes bulged. He let out all of his feelings all at once:

"DISGUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING !"

Each Ginyu instantly crashed to the ground, the impact of the scream from Kid causing a ripple in their balance. Ginyu was the first to shoot back up, undeniably shocked.

"W-what the hell are you talking about, disgusting? What did we do wrong!"

"YOU-!" Kid pointed a finger at Ginyu. "DO YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SYMMETRY?!" Death The Kid began twitching again as he turned the pointed finger into a fist and ranted: "Your team is a DISGRACE! How could you ruin such perform form and alignment with that TRASH?! EVERYTHING WAS OFF, THERE WAS NO SIGN OF ORDER IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM!"

"WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me! That's our best pose!" Ginyu ranted back, his other comrades back on their feet but too scared to retort as well. "I don't get it! You loved everything until now, why are you griping about our form, now?! We're the best posers in all the galaxies!"

"BEST POSERS, MY ASS!" screamed Kid. "YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT DISGUSTING DISPLAY OF ASYMMETRIC GARBAGE YOU CALL 'POSING'!"

"Asymmetrical?! The hell are you on?!"

"THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF ME COMING HERE, ISN'T IT?!"

"I found you because I thought you were a perfectionist, but dammit, I didn't think you'd be that much of a perfectionist!"

Suddenly, the door in front slid open again, and with it, an small alien with horns and a tail riding a small hovercraft, and looking very displeased. "What's will all this noise? I can hear all of you from across this planet."

"Lord Frieza!" The Ginyu Force cried, instantly going to one knee about their ruler's appearance. Death The Kid stopped with his raging and looked to Frieza with judging eyes.

"Frieza? What's your problem?" said Kid very rudely, making Frieza take an even more sour expression.

"Hey, Kid, show some respect!" barked Ginyu. "This is our master, Lord Frieza. He's the strongest being ever! He could wipe the floor with us at any moment."

"Oh, really?" Kid furrowed his brow at Ginyu then back at Frieza, looking unimpressed.

"My, my, I didn't know we had a guest," spoke Frieza in an eerie tone. "And what do you call yourself, little boy?"

"My name is Death The Kid," answered Kid. "I was simply surveying your team's form, and I must say, they are very flawed in their technique."

The Ginyus silently growled as Frieza raised an eyebrow. "Wait, are we talking about their ability as fighters or their posing?" Frieza has to hide his awkward indifference toward his men's affliction with silly dancing.

"Their posing. It's highly unsymmetrical."

"Oh, so you are an expert in symmetry, are you? Tell me... how symmetrical am I?" challenged Frieza. After hearing all the yelling, he assumed that Death The Kid was the one to start all the fuss, so he decided to play with him like the intergalactic tyrant he was.

Death The Kid actually was catching on to the purple and white alien's trap, but took the bait anyway and began examining Frieza as he continued to hover.

_Left... right... left... right... hmm... this guy actually seems like he's fairly-ugh!_

Kid stopped and began winching once more and Frieza began waving his tail around, throwing off the aligned picture he had drew for Kid. He had his tail hidden the whole time, from the second he entered the room, but then decided to bring it out at that exact moment. How unfortunate.

Frieza's tail was hanging off the right hand side of his pod, now, the side that Kid saw as his right, anyway. Even if it was on the left side, he would still be inwardly fuming at the sight of Frieza upsetting what he thought of a perfect and symmetrical stance.

"Something wrong, Mr. Death The Kid?" said Frieza, who was actually unknowing of truly how mad Death was at the moment, his sadistic smile still showing.

"Dammit, you're not symmetrical at all!" Death The Kid yelled. "You just had to have a tail didn't you?! It's asymmetrical in every way!"

Immediately, Kid felt a cold chill fall under him and his raging cooled; Frieza's smile quickly dropped into a flat line, though even the dumbest of life-forms could read it as one of the most terrifying expressions ever. Frieza was _that _powerful and _that_ scary.

"I see... Well, Mr. Death The Kid, I think you've overstayed your welcome," Frieza said, keeping his calm demeanor yet instantly raising a finger toward Kid. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Death The Kid shook off the chill to analyze the so-called threat that was trying to get him to leave all of a sudden; of course, not being of this galaxy, nor any galaxy associated with Frieza, his men, or those like them, he was foolish enough to think that a person like Frieza was as intimidating as his father, Lord Death, in his cartoonish appearance.

"You're going to make me leave? A short-stack like you? Ha!" mocked Kid.

Frieza then began grinning like a madman as his extended finger started to glow purple. The Ginyus hearts skipped a beat as Frieza loaded his Death Beam, while Kid was actually starting to get a clue into how strong Frieza was.

With several purple blasts, Frieza made Kid dance like a monkey as he feverishly dodged each blast aimed at his feet.

"W-wait, wait, wait, hold on a second-!" Kid pleaded.

"There's no time for forgiveness, I'm afraid," Frieza said callously. His last shot was aimed at Kid's head. Kid was lucky to dodge at the last second, albeit a few black hairs singed, as the blast impacted with the wall behind him. Crouched down and shaking, Kid saw as Frieza eyed him with the look of a tiger advancing on a deer.

"Off you go, now," Frieza said, with a wave of his hand. "Next time, I won't be so nice. You're lucky those stripes on your head make you look so cute."

Kid only felt more scared as that last comment snaked into his ears. He immediately pulled out his skateboard and flew out of the room through the hole Frieza had made.

The Ginyus stifled some giggles as they saw the brat that had been over-bashing their style run away with his tail between his legs. They immediately stopped with Frieza hovered over to them, expecting their attention.

"What a rude boy. Thankfully I was able to get rid of him before I really became angry," the Ginyus flinched at that thought, but Frieza went on, smiling,"And besides, you five don't need to worry about some kid judging your poses. What matters is what you think for yourselves; hold your own opinions up high, not others." Ironic how is was a tyrant that was giving out the moral of this little episode. _Even though I'd rather not support your foolishness_, Frieza added in his head, sweat-dropping a little.

"Yes, Lord Frieza," each Ginyu said, accepting his wisdom in high regard.

"Alright, then. Now, Ginyu, fetch me some wine."

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Death The Kid sped faster away from the Ginyu complex as fast as he could. He created a portal for him to escape the planet and to get away from the homicidal Frieza and his unsymmetrical gang of goofs known as the Ginyu Force. He rode through the portal into his next destination, hands in his pockets and feeling uneasy.

"Geez," Kid said to himself, "I've never been so scared in my life, not since my left toilet roll got bent and made my bathroom look all misshapen," he sighed. "Oh well. That's all in the past. Now, I shall focus on my next appointment.

He rode out of the portal and landed on a new planet in the same galaxy. Coincidentally, he had been contacted by another group of posers who sought his approval, a group located on a planet called Cooler Planet-613...

Landing softly, Death The Kid kicked up his board and introduced to his already attending clients behind him.

"Alright then. My name is Death The Kid. I'll be looking over your form today," Kid actually had hope for this team. After dealing with the Ginyu Force, he figured that was all the horrible asymmetrics were behind him, as nothing was more horrid than seeing the team's awful last pose, nor the fear he got from their leader.

"Okay. Show me what you got," said Kid with a grin.

"Qui-qui!

"Alright!"

"Okay!"

Kid heard the shuffling of feet behind him and automatically thought he would see something spectacular... he turned around... and got the complete opposite.

Cooler's Armored Squadron. Salza, the blue-skinned leader; Neiz, the red-skinned lizard like alien; and Doore, a hulking green-skinned alien. They were like the Ginyu Force, allied with Frieza's brother Cooler... flamboyant... and totally not symmetrical with their posing...

Kid's eyes went to all directions as he could not believe what he was seeing... again.

_Left... right... left... right... left... right..._

"No... way..."

Maybe Death The Kid should be more careful about who he talks to on Space Skype... same goes to the unlucky posers who summon him.

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**AN: For those of you wondering: Yes, I DID pull this out of my ass. XD I'm sorry. This idea popped into my idea and I just spent the last two hours writing it out. Serves as a nice distraction to writing Iron Bonds. Really, I've been lazy with getting the next chapter out for that story, so this was a nice little break from it and now I can get back on track. I hope you enjoy it, and any other random and funny fics I might type up in the future. Comedy really is my strong suit.**

**- Read And Review, AJrax The Author**


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